Post No:#535 Labels: Ramblings
Haven't charged my camera since I came back. Starting of the 3rd week now, and it's not that good. Been wavering between emotional and mediocre for the past time I have been back. IT'S BEEN OH-SO-AWESOME to be back here! (note the sarcasm for those that are ignorant enough not to notice) With all my FRIENDS trying to help me go back to the Karie that they knew and maybe loved. Honestly, I don't know why I was like that for the whole previous semester?! People probably liked me better that way, but do I want to continue being that person? Or should I just drop the whole facade and start being myself.
I don't even know who I am anymore. The last time my behaviour wasn't influenced by others was probably when I was still in Primary School. With little friends, an angry, arrogant kid that many disliked. Hot-tempered, cowardly, rebellious me. Ha...Even I don't like the me back then. Moved on from those times, from being angry at people that tease me, to making a clown of myself more than half the time. From looking at the floor while walking, to talking, laughing and looking at people while outside. From not being able to look at anyone, to looking at people straight in the face (no, not eye, not yet). From scolding people with nonsensical words to talking about people with them there while my words dripped with sarcasm. From nobody, to prefect, discipline libarian, someone that people know in school.
I moved on from those times and I do not want to go back there. I don't want people to hate me, who does? But all I can say is that, if anyone in IES that knows me is reading this, listen up. The old Karie that you loved and knew, is as good as dead and gone. I can feel her slipping away from me. I don't laugh anymore, not out of my own heart, maybe only with 1 or 2 people. To him, I never did smile from my heart, then, I guess he will never get to see it. I am changing, so get used to it, or you can just get outta my life geddit?
No worries to people back in SG though, I am always the same with you guys. I know, I have a different personality with every new place and every new group of friends. Ying Xuan will always be Ying Xuan.
Anyways...Gotta run!
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Post No:#534 Labels: Ramblings
I can sense myself becoming more of an introvert. Slowly, but steadily, I have begun to cut off some people from my everyday social "life" or whatever is left of it.
Basically kept to myself in Bio and Chem tutorials. Didn't feel like talking to anyone. Love my iPod. Sometimes I do wonder, was it cause of the emo-ness I have been feeling the whole of the last 2 weeks? Was it that, that made me not appreciate people that have dropped out of my social circle, and those that I can't talk to anymore? I don't wanna talk to people, and I am freaking tired half the time already, emotionally and mentally. Even Duncan's lessons, I feel bored and uninterested. It used to be my fav lesson, but I guess that's cause I used to have people that I can talk to in there. And I used to crack jokes like how Hans would use to do in Ms.Lum's lessons.
Now, when I look at them, I am totally speechless. I know it's me that changed. So what? They cry over me, expecting me to change back to the old me that they thought they knew. They think that letting him know will work? Well, he is more than half the problem here. People change. Grow up, and get used to it, that's all the advice I can give. I am not interested in your gadgetry, nor in whatever that interests you, which has no benefit to me knowing about it. I honestly can say that, to them, I don't give a damn anymore. Him? I don't wanna care anymore, as long as he doesn't appear in my face, I will be ok. I will miss him, but when I see him, I become what we all call "SIAN half".
Yea, I have changed yet again. But to some people I will always still be me. A few special ones that I keep close to my heart, no doubt about who 3 of them are. Sometimes, when I think of it, this has been a great awakening for me. I cannot help but keep thinking that, if he did what all those others did, I will be able to handle it better as that is the treatment I am used to.
Rambling along close to midnight again. Time to get some sleep.
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Post no:#533 Labels: Everyday's Post, Friends
Hmm...
Tucked away all my "girly" tops into one corner of my wardrobe where I put all the stuff that I won't or seldom wear. Don't ask me why I bought them in the first place. I still like the clothes I bought at M&S when I was back in SG, especially the long white shirt. But, I find it pointless to wear like more feminine clothes now. Not like it will matter to many people cause most of you guys see me with Tee and Jeans combo 3/4 of the time.
Feel like learning how my brother style his hair, spike and whatever. No, I am not turning lesbo...Not yet anyway. I love guys too much, and I am already buddy buddy enough with them.
When I wear more "girly" tops to school, people go like "WAH. What happened?" or "Eh, why you dress till so nice today?". It's like I can't wear something for no reason without people exclaiming over me wearing something other than my Jeans, Tee and jacket combo. *rolls eyes*
Bought 2 long sleeve shirts from FCUK and Espirit the other day. Was not in a good mood so I went shopping with Amanda. Bought the 2 shirts, but am just gonna wear them over my tees, cause it's kinda chilly now. (Duh, it's winter).
I promise there will be some photos coming up soon. Not that people care anyway. Am thinking of shutting down the blog. But then, I won't have no place to rant or type and you guys will not be able to keep in touch with me. Cause most of you find out most of what's going on in my life via this blog. If I shut it down, it will cause loss of more friends.
Some people only come to you when they think that you can help them in one way or another, but when they don't have a use for you anymore, they kick to a corner and just leave you there. Others dissappear totally. Yet some others, pretend to be your best friend when you are there, or when you have $$$$. But when you are in trouble, there's nothing left for you.
But without these people, you won't get to know who your true friends are, and who the people that truly want to care are.
People like let's say Yan Hao, he is one of those people that I was never close to in Sec Sch, and I thought we will never cross paths again. But after graduating, we talk almost every night on MSN. It might not be much, but at least we are still keeping in touch. Others that I expected to keep in touch? POOF! They can perform a better dissappearing act than David Copperfield.
Hans...Where do I even start about him? He is almost always there, always ready to make his friends laugh, always ready to cheer someone up, and almost always ready to listen to people's troubles and give advice. He might be 2 years older than me but when talking to him, it doesn' feel like I am talking to someone older. It just feels like he is one of those that I can pour out anything to. Thanks Hans.
HALIF! The junior that is more matured than me. There to listen most of the time. I can talk to him about almost anything under the sun. Times with him are always fun, filled with laughter and lame sacarsm. Head prefect of his batch made him stronger than what others think he is, always a good friend, up for a chat on almost everything. Thanks Halif.
Ting Ting! My beloved Ting Ting. Besties in Sec 3&4. The one that taught me pool, and brought me bowling/K-boxing/pooling. Thanks to her, I am all addicted to pool and K-boxing! Great to sought advice from cause she has gone through enough to give me advice about things I am worrying about only just now. Every trip out with her, will consist of Neo-prints, pool and/or K box. Hahas. Thanks Ting!
These are just some of the people in Singapore that I can talk to and pour out my problems to. In Aussie there are a few more, but that's a story for another day.
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Post No:#532 Labels: Reflections
"People that wear black almost all the time, are the people that seek attention." (Not in the gothic way, and not in the attention seeking way, but just that inside themselves, they want people to notice them.)
"People that are always there for others, are the ones that need someone there for them as well."
Half the time, jokers are pessimistic deep down.
If someone has been bullshitting about themselves, like how good they are at a certain thing, or that they did something that they didn't, there are 5 ways to look at it (from my point of view):
1)He is living in denial.
2)He wants to be that someone he is talking about.
3)He thinks that people will like him better if he was like that someone.
4)He has something to hide from people, something he don't want others to know.
5)Perhaps he is good, but just acting dumb.
Hmm...Been 2 weeks since I came back to Aussie. Been sick for the whole 2 weeks and been down for close to 14 days.
Issues have been resolved, but I still need to get over myself. I know I can do it, cause now, when the issue talks to me, I am able to talk to him just like how we used to talk before I returned to SG. But when I am alone and listening to music, my mind will wander, and go back to those "confrontations". I still wish he didn't knew. Yea, I am pessimistic, but that's just me. I can't help but think about the future in a bad way. How can I be pessimistic when I am such a joker? Why not?
I guess what "Grrader" told me was right. Never expect too much from other people, no matter how close you are to them, especially if they are your friends. Dont' rely too much on them. Otherwise, they will be pressurised and might just one day go away, and you won't even know what went wrong. I guess I have to check on my behaviour with friends every now and then. They are not obliged to do anything, so all I have to do, is to just ask, once, and then if they don't want, I just move on from it...
Getting over this part of my life is kinda hard. But...What to do? If I don't get over it, I will never grow up. This is a kind of realizationf for me I guess. Not everyone is there for me when I need them, and that I need to start depending on myself, physically, mentally and emotionally.
I can't find myself in this mess. I don't even know who the heck is the real me...OH wells.
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Post No:#531 Labels: Everyday's Post
Bullshit.
I should stop bullshitting and actually proceed to do what I say eh.
No one will know what I am talking about. But still...
I wanna barf
I hate being sick
I love my emo-me
I wanna K-box
I wanna play pool
I wanna get away from it all
I love me!
I am selfish! And that's a fact
Alot of people are weird this week, and it's not just me. I am weird too though.
Whatever, do whatever you want, it's up to you eh? Really hate that phrase up to you. KNS. 3146589175136573865!! (I wanna swear with numbers! YAY!)
Whee!! I wanna go home. Back to SG, back to Hans, Ting, Halif and the rest of the people that still treat me as a friend. Back to my beloved dogs, back to my family, back to a place where I actually know what I am doing. YAY! Whatever trevor!
So totally random.
I AM OKAY PEOPLE! Stop asking me if I am okay, I either won't answer, give you stupid answers or ask you the obvious "Do I look okay to you?".
WHEE. BYE!
Post No:#530 Labels: Music
About to go to sleep.
New songs playing on my blog. Out Of My League and Passenger Seat by Stephen Speaks.
Heard it on Emir PDA while I was fooling around with it and fell in love with the song. Hahas, ok, lyrics time:
Out Of My League:
It's her hair and her eyes today
that just simply take me away
and the feeling that i'm falling further in love
makes me shiver, but in a good way
All the times i have sat and stared
as she thoughtfully thumbs through her hair
as she purses her lips
bats her eyes
and she plays with me
sitting there, slack-jawed and nothing to say
Cos i love her with all that i am
and my voice shakes
along with my hands
Cos she's all that i see and she's all that i need
and i'm out of my league once again
It's a masterful melody
when she calls out my name to me
as the world spins around her
she laughs, rolls her eyes
and i feel like i'm falling
but it's not surprise
Cos i love her with all that i am
and my voice shakes
along with my hands
Cos she's all that i see and she's all that i need
and i'm out of my league once again
Cos it's frightening to be
swimming in this strange sea
but i'd rather be here than on land
yes she's all that i see
and she's all that i need
and i'm out of my league once again
(Repeat all above)
-------------------------------------------------------
Passenger Seat
I look at her and have to smile
As we go driving for a while
Looking nowhere in the open window of my car
And as we go the traffic lights
Watch them glimmer in her eyes
In the darkness of the evening
And I've got all that I need
Right here in the passenger seat
Oh and I can't keep my eyes on the road
Knowing that she's inches from me
We stop to get something to drink
My mind pounds and I can't think
Scared to death to say i love her
Then a moon peeks from the clouds
Hear my heart that beats so loud
Try to tell her simply
That I've got all the I need
Right here in the passenger seat
Oh and I can't keep my eyes on the road
Knowing that she's inches from me
Oh and I've got all the I need
Right here in the passenger seat
Oh and I can't keep my eyes on the road
Knowing that she's inches from me
Oh and I know this love grow
Oh I've got all the I need
Right here in the passenger seat
Oh and I can't keep my eyes on the road
Knowing that she's inches from me
And I've got all that I need
Right here in the passenger seat
Oh and I can't keep my eyes on the road
Knowing that she's inches from me
And I've got all that I need
Right here in the passenger seat
Oh and I can't keep my eyes on the road
Knowing that she's inches from me
And I've got all that I need
Right here in the passenger seat
------------------------------------------
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Post No:#529 Labels: Music
Well, I have had this song for some time now but I only just actually listened to the lyrics. And I really really like it cause somehow, I can relate it to me now. Hahas, what crap.
Anyways, Just So You Know by Jesse McCartney
I shouldn't love you but I want to
I just can't turn away
I shouldn't see you but I can't move
I can't look away
I shouldn't love you but I want to
I just can't turn away
I shouldn't see you but I can't move
I can't look away
And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not
'Cause I don't know how to make a feeling stop
Just so you know
This feeling's taking control of me
And I can't help it
I won't sit around, I can't let him win now
Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go of you
But I don't want to
I just gotta say it all
Before I go
Just so you know
It's getting hard to be around you
There's so much I can't say
Do you want me to hide the feelings
And look the other way
And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not
'Cause I don't know how to make a feeling stop
Just so you know
This feeling's taking control of me
And I can't help it
I won't sit around, I can't let him win now
Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go of you
But I don't want to
I just gotta say it all
Before I go
Just so you know
This emptiness is killing me
And I'm wondering why I've waited so long
Looking back I realize
It was always there just never spoken
I'm waiting here...been waiting here
Just so you know
This feeling's taking control of me
And I can't help it
I won't sit around, I can't let him win now
Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go of you
But I don't want to
I just gotta say it all
Before I go
Just so you know
---------------------------------------------------------------------
What's related to me now, is actually the bolded parts. I need to talk to someone! I am going to explode if I don't!!!
Post No:#528 Labels: Everyday's Post
Today was so freaking fun!!
Went to Chinatown for lunch with Amanda, Al, Emir, Jairal and Nelson today. Ate at that place that I love in Chinatown, SUPERBOWL! Hahas, sounds like a bowling alley eh? Well, we ate and talked and fooled around, really enjoyed it alot!! Then the topic turned to weird hauntings in schools, and also the Chinese Lunar 7th Month, or else known as the Hungry Ghost Month. Hahas...Then after that we went shopping for food at the supermarkets in Chinatown cause we were cooking for dinner.
Went our separate ways, Me with Amanda and Emir, Nelson with Al and Jairal cause the 3 of us were going to the city and the 3 of them went back to Foundation House. Was kinda tired, and was kinda worried about Halif. If you are reading this Halif, REMEMBER what I said in the sms ok?! So continue, I was tired and was really quiet and the two of them kept asking if I am okay. I think I answered that question like more than 20 times today!! Then after getting the things we were supposed to get, we went back to Foundation House to cook dinner.
Made Hainan-Chicken rice, and had trouble with steaming the chicken...Well, at least it was not as bad as the boiled fish the other time. Hahas, it turned out quite okay actually. Then Amanda made veggies, and I went and fry the fish that Nelson brought over. I marinated it with garlic salt...Too much apparently, and sesame oil and oregano. Turned out okay, other than the fact that it was too salty. Eh heh, then when Nelson had a try he started laughing and laughing non-stop!! Like WTHECK?!?! Oh, and we were trying to flip the fish like flick the pan and let the fish flip over in mid-air and all of us failed except Jairal. Then Nelson went and flip it again and the fish got cut off! LOLZ...
And today was like "What did you do to Karie?!"-day with Emir. Hahas, he says that I have becomed so quiet and everything, and that I wasn't like the old me. Hmmm...I wonder.
Well, then after dinner, Nelson and Jairal washed up for me, if they are reading "THANKS GUYS!" then we waited for them to finish before me, amanda and emir head off to the city, him to take the train and us to take a cab back.
Well...That's about it. School's starting in like 8 hours time or less. -.-"....
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Yea...this is just to fill up the gap, cause I have 1 missing post...Apparently.. Labels: -.p
Post No:#526 Labels: Everyday's Post
Hmm...
The last day I am in Singapore, and I didn't spend much time with my parents. Hahas.
Well, watched Harry Potter 5 with Halif on Thursday. Watched the Digital version at The Cathay, first time either of us were there and well...Everything was a total blur, literally, and not because I wasn't wearing my spectacles. Well, our seats were P28-29 and I went and sat at 24! Yes, I am a blurhead. Then Halif called me and was like "EH, we are on the other side!" So I got up and went to the OTHER side, only to notice that he was not there! So I called him again, and I was like "Where are you?!!" then after like 5 mins I realised he was talking about OTHER side as in the right side, not the left side. -.-" ...I AM A BLOCKHEAD!!
Well, the movie was only so-so to me. They literally cut the book in half! Or less...But I enjoyed the fireworks part. And when I saw Dolores Umbridge, I was like "HOT PINK!" and we started talking about "Jigglypuff". Ha! Before the movie we stuffed ourselves at SWENSENS. Was freaking full! Cause they had the student discount thing where you pay $10 for soup, side and sundae, then if you get another backe rice, you get $2 off the baked rice. Made us freaking full can!!
Went out with no one other than MR.Hans today. And I was late! Thanks to Emir who wouldn't let me go offline, hahas! Guess what? We went K-boxing at no where other than CINELEISURE. Lolz, Clarice and Irena were there too. Didn't sing too much today, was rather tired actually. Spent some time sms-ing Amanda. Hmmm...Was rather fun, just like last time! Hahas, sometimes, I guess guys are better at keeping friendships than girls. XD Talked about last time when he was still the monitor and "armpit hair" and some other 4E3 stuff. Yep, weird topic, but I guess most of the people that know Hans will know what we are talking about. AND he kept Bobby-ing around! WTHECK MAN!?!?!?
Anyways, I am going back to Brissy tomorrow! Still haven't finish my essay drafts. Okay, more like I haven't started. YAY! I can pester people to play guitar again! Some part of me want to go back sooner, but another part wants to stay.
My dogs are gonna miss me again!!!! XD, so totally random.
Am gonna start missing food and friends and family again!!!
Am...going to go to school again!! -.-"...ano...
Am...GOING TO PACK MY STUFF AND GO TO SLEEP NOW!
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Post No:#525 Labels: Musics, Reflections
Here are the lyrics for Don't Lie To Me by Face Off,
"-Don't Lie To Me-"
Feels like I've known you for ages
Feels like I know you from somewhere
Feels like I know you through time
Feels like I just had you in my dream last
But I can recall the times when you have treated me so coldly
Turning off your mobile phone not picking up the call
But I can recall the times when you have stood up on me
Making promises that you broken, laying excuses
Don't lie to me
Lie to me, in my face
I wasn't born just yesterday
Dementing my soul
Don't go away
Go away from me
I can't take it anymore
I know it fell out not long
The time doesn't count
Your beauty has an imprint in my head
You are beautiful beautiful to me
You are beautiful beautiful to me
But I can recall the times when you have treated me so coldly
Turning off your mobile phone not picking up the call
But I can recall the times when you have stood up on me
Making promises that you broken laying excuses
Don't lie to me
Lie to me, in my face
I wasn't born just yesterday
Dementing my soul
Don't go away
Go away from me
I can't take it anymore
Don't lie to me
Lie to me, in my face
I wasn't born just yesterday
Don't go away
Go away from me
I can't take it anymore
Don't lie to me
Lie to me in my face
I wasn't born just yesterday
Dementing my soul
Don't go away
Go away from me
I can't take it anymore
I'm in love with you
-Face Off-
I wrote this from listening to the song, so if there are any mistakes, forgive me ya?
Well, this part of the lyrics, really really says what I wanna tell someone,
"Don't lie to me
Lie to me in my face
I wasn't born just yesterday"
If you think you are it...Well, think about it, then decide if it's you!
Totally unrelated:
Am giving up. No point in waiting for something that is not gonna happen. Sometimes, I really need to wake up.
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Post No:#524 Labels: Everyday's Post, Music
HEYA PEEPS!! I made a imeem playlist to put on my blog. The songs currently playing are by a band called Face Off (My bro's friends). I bet most of you can tell why I like the songs, the guitar playing!! It's easy listening as well. And I really like the lyrics. ^^
The song titles are Stupid, Weird Summer and Don't Lie To Me. I like the last one best! All the songs were composed and the lyrics written on their own, so yea, copyrighted!!
Don't have the lyrics for them though, except for Don't Lie To Me, which I typed out while listening to the song on my own. ^^
ANYWAYS.
What did I do after meeting up with Hans on Monday?
-Hmm, I met Halif and Yan Hao for BK session, then after that joined Halif, Joey, and Sadiq for Transformers!!! 0.o" Sorry to say, but I was half asleep till the last 45mins. Heh...But everyone says it's a good movie, so it should be good. Maybe it's just me...
-Accompanied my parents for lunch and dinner half the time. Met up with my Grandma! All my favourite food! She cooked Chilli Crab, Chicken Curry and my favourite soup! And other dishes that I really like as well. ^^ LOVE MY GRANDMA!!! *muacks*
-Met NP people via crashing 1 computer lesson. LOLZ. Was rather fun! Especially when it came to taking photos, Alex and Angus were throwing Ben around. Oh...Better send them the photos. Hee...totally slipped my mind.
-Met up with Ting Ting!!!!!!! For Pool, KBox, Billy Bombers, gossip and neoprint crazy time!! HAHAS, totally awesome, saw her BF as well, nice guy, great at pool, scary man....0.o" Lolz...thanks girl, you made my day!
-Met up with my Aunt at my Grandma's place again. MORE CURRY! LOLZ...Must...have...moreeeeeee!! Really hate the curry in Aussie (sorry aussie people!) cause it's like sweet!! *pengz*
-Went shopping!! Bought more girly clothes. YES PEOPLE, I am a good girl, I listen to you guys. HAHAS.
-Ate at all my favourite places. Well, not all, but most!! Hahas...^^...Obviously I love the food here!!! I am so going to miss it when I go back.
-Hans said that he will make me cry if he sends me off at the airport again. -.-". He didn't even suceed the first time!! HAHAS. =P
-Hopefully I'm gonna meet up with Hans once more before I go back. That crazy dude!!! Gonna miss him like crazy again when I go back. LOLZ. Nah, I am kidding, I will miss him, but not as much as when I first went. XD...
-I ACTUALLY MISS BRISBANE!! Well, more of like the people there, instead of the place.
-I was so not used to the Singlish here when I got back, and some teens in the toilet were like "Accent? Wad accent loh? I dun even know what is accent la!!" "No lah, you dun have accent wad..." "OI, lets speak proper engrish!!" (whole groups starts laughing...) I almost laughed to death in the toilet!!! Like WTHECK?
Hmm, guess that's about it. Will update again with photos. ^^
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Post no:#523
Am really lazy to update. So here goes, in note form:
1) For those that don't already know, yes, I am BACK in SINGAPORE. You know the number to contact me if you want to meet, I didn't change it.
2) Met up with Hans and Clarice on Monday. Played pool, and then went shopping at Heeren. Bought clothes from...you guessed it, FLESH IMP. But the sales I know was not there. And the new sales are like...-.-"
3) Ate what I love to eat. Grandma cooked for me! Chilli Crab, Chicken Curry and my favourite soup! Hee...Had sushi at Paul-san the first night I came back. Then ate at Lei Garden (Chjmes), Jai Thai Cafe (Thomson Plaza) and Tambuah Mas (Paragon)!!! All my faves.
4) Went shopping at Marks and Spencer today. Bought 2 tops and a bottom. Ok ok, I finally bought some girly tops. -.-"...people have been telling me to stop wearing guys clothes for like ever!
5) Meeting up with Halif, Yan Hao, Sadiq and Joey tomorrow. Watching Transformers as well. 3rd movie I am being forced to watch!!! 1)Spider-man 3 (by Emir), 2)Fantastic 4 (By Amanda), 3)Transformers (by everyone that watched it before -.-")
6) I am missing the guitar playing!!! >.<" and it's only been like 4 days!!
7) Thanks to Emir, for staying on the phone for like 2 hours when I was rotting in the airport. OH and for letting me listen to the guitar before I went off as well.
8) Just remembered that I have not returned the book I borrowed from Ngee Ann Poly last year. Have to return it soon. Gonna get bro to drive me down. Heh
9) PHOTOS GALORE: 
10) New blogskin. The title says it all...full stop. Go HERE to view. And here's a screenshot.
11) I am addicted to the songs "When You Say Nothing At All (Ronan Keating)", "More Than Words (BBMak)", "Wait For You (Elliott Yamin)"
12)I need to sleep. NIGHTS ALL!!!
Labels: Everyday's Post
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;Chocolate Fudge Cookies
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;Ondeh Ondeh
;Oreo Cheesecake
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['-Credits-']
Skin By:Scorpiona
Custom Image by: Ho Yan Hao, Singapore
Coding: With help from w3schools.com
